You know how it goes. You wake up, check your phone, and you’re instantly bombarded with the latest “life-changing hack” that promises to make you a better person—today. You know, the ones that tell you that waking up at 5 AM will transform you into the next Elon Musk, or that a 45-minute morning routine consisting of yoga, journaling, and self-hypnosis will somehow make you an enlightened, emotionally stable god among mortals.

I’ve been watching this whole influencer-turned-guru phenomenon closely. Every scroll through Instagram or TikTok is like a reminder that you’re not doing enough. Your morning chai? Should’ve been a kale smoothie. Your 10-minute walk to the office? A waste of time—it’s only the 10,000 steps that will save you. Oh, and while we’re on it, don’t forget to listen to “life-changing” podcasts and make vision boards—because nothing screams “I’ve got my life together” like scribbling down abstract goals on a Pinterest board while procrastinating on doing actual work.

It’s fascinating, though, how these “perfect” lives don’t even seem real. A person goes from waking up to perfectly arranged breakfast photos to speaking about how their self-love journey involves deleting their ex from social media—like, that’s the only route to inner peace. Oh, and the ones who wear those million-dollar workout outfits just to show they “work hard” have me questioning my entire wardrobe of ₹200 pyjamas.

I’ve learned a lot watching these social media gurus—mainly, that no one is allowed to be just human anymore. They must either be a productivity machine or an influencer with a free-spirited aura that screams “I don’t care, but I do care about my curated feed.” As for me? I’ll stick to my “normal” routine of surviving the day with caffeine, occasional existential dread, and some half-hearted scrolling through memes about how nobody really has it together.